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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Women in the Age of Trump: TRUMPETTES ANONYMOUS

TRUMPETTES ANONYMOUS  by Rex McGregor is a semi-finalist for NYCPlaywrights project "Women in the Age of Trump."

REX MCGREGOR is a New Zealand writer specializing in comedy theatre and satirical humor. His short plays have been produced on four continents from New York and London to Sydney and Kuala Lumpur. Web site: rexmcgregor.com

Thanks to Rex McGregor for allowing NYCPlaywrights to publish this excerpt from his play TRUMPETTES ANONYMOUS. Parody of Mom (TV series).

   JEL 
Can we get started? I got a new man waitin’ at home.

   WINDY

Not another father figure, I hope.

   JEL

This one’s super young. My pool guy. Miguel. Body like a Greek god.

   WINDY

Not Cupid, I hope.

   JEL

Don’t worry. I asked him if he’s legal. He said he is.

   BONY

Probably referring to his immigration status.

   JEL

Omigod! What if he’s…?

   CRUSTY

Underage?

   JEL

Mexican! Trump might deport him!

   BONY

Before you’ve finished using him? I hate it when that happens.

   WINDY

Let’s begin the session. So Jel can get home and check her young man’s status.

   JEL

Shoot, I don’t care if he’s married. If I was that fussy I’d never fill my monthly quota.

   (They all sit down.)

   WINDY

Who’d like to start?

   CRUSTY

Shouldn’t we wait for Margarine?

   WINDY

She said to go ahead without her.

   BONY

First time she’s missed a meeting.

   WINDY

She said she had something to do. All very mysterious.

   JEL

Maybe she’s got a pool guy.

   CRUSTY

She’s got a husband.

   JEL

That never stopped me.

   BONY

We know, Jel. You even had Margarine’s husband, didn’t you?   
   JEL

Before they got hitched. I don’t hookup with a friend’s current squeeze.

   BONY

I’m relieved to hear it.

   JEL

Keep an eye on your fella, Bony. You and me ain’t that close.

   WINDY

I’ll start. My name’s Windy. And I voted for Donald Trump.

   BONY, CRUSTY & JEL

Hi, Windy.

   WINDY

I have no excuse. I wasn’t happy with some aspects of Obamacare. I thought a small protest vote would stop Hillary from getting too cocky when she became President. She was miles ahead in the polls. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!

(Windy whimpers.)

   BONY, CRUSTY & JEL

Thanks, Windy.

   CRUSTY

Hi, I’m Crusty. I voted for the asshole too.

   JEL

Hi, Crusty.

   BONY

Shouldn’t that be “cavity of the glutinous maxi-whatever?”

   CRUSTY

Mom! No crosstalk!

   BONY

Maternal instincts override meeting rules.

   CRUSTY

I’ve been clean for [nine] weeks, four days and one and a half hours. My addiction is totally under control. I haven’t touched a single erotic novel. Or had a single masochistic fantasy. I’ve successfully managed a tough regime of strict self-denial.

   BONY

She always was a glutton for punishment.

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